Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
where does the pee come out of this thing
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Randomize
