Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
