she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
