then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
