why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
