i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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