I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
