Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
