awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
