How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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