good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My day in three words: secret purse cake
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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