From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
