I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
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I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
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