we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
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Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
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I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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