so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
