my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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