Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
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