I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Randomize
