He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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