I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
