you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Is it penis luge time yet?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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