i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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