if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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