YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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