we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
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