i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
