My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
