The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
