am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
