Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
