Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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