I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
