omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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