There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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