I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
