I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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