I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
