I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
