One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
