I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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