Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
