I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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