If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
