I wish I could teleport
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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