I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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