I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
