Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
