I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
