I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
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