I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
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