If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
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You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
True strength comes from lack of pants
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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