He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
ttyl tear gas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize