First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
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