idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
