I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
