I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
that's an acceptable place to lick
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
