Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
