Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I need a beard to bite.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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