i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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