White coat. Heels.
Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
