I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
