if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
