You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just puked most of my soul out..
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
