You can't special order awesome
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
