Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
