I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
