He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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