I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i think i have two assholes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
