the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
