its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
